Archive for May, 2007

More self-induced Anglican turmoil

30 May 2007 at 1:55 pm · Filed under Anglican

robinson-gene.jpg

It may be because I’m sick, but I find myself much less patient with the current turmoil in the Anglican communion, and indeed, in darker moments I wonder at the wisdom of remaining in the church (indeed, if I was not sure that it was the place God wanted me to be for reasons best known to God, I’d be somewhere else, which is what I’d currently far prefer).

The man pictured above is the Bishop of New Hampshire (a diocese in the US Episcopal Church), the Rt Rev’d Gene Robinson. Bishop Robinson is a gay man in an open relationship with another man. The diocesan electors of the Diocese of New Hampshire knew this when they elected him – he was canonically elected. The Diocese of New Hampshire is canonically part of the Episcopal Church, which is in communion with the Archbishop of Canterbury. His election was confirmed by the synodical processes of the Episcopal Church – though not without controversy. He was canonically confirmed. He was consecrated in accordance with the requisite canons of the Episcopal Church (though, again, not without controversy). He is thus, according to the standards used in the Anglican Communion, a diocesan bishop, and would normally receive an invitation to attend the Lambeth Conference of bishops of the Anglican Communion. However, it appears that the convenor of the Lambeth Conference, the Most Rev’d Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, has decided not to invite him to the Conference, because to do so would “ignore the very substantial and very widespread objections in many parts of the communion to his consecration and to his ministry.”

My understanding of this action, which I find pretty hurtful, given the avowed (but ultimately and in reality fictional) commitment of the Communion to listen to the experience of gay people, is that it was undertaken to make it possible for other bishops to attend – bishops who would boycott the Conference if Robinson attended. Well, we know who the real people are, don’t we!

I continue to pray for a way through this mess. God’s love isn’t being allowed to shine through in the situation, and the murky and unworthy political games are obscuring both it and Christian charity.

Leave a Comment

Long time, no post…

30 May 2007 at 12:18 pm · Filed under Health, My Treatment

197251.jpg

It has been a while since I posted, so here goes. Apologies if you’ve been checking to find new news, but circumstances beyond my control…

Hospital… I was in hospital from 17 to 22 May, having cycle 2B of my chemotherapy regime – R-hyperCVAD. I also spent the day in hospital on 16 May having the rituximab for cycle 2B. Time in hospital wasn’t too bad, though I had yet more nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and loss of appetite. I also had four units of blood, because I was quite anaemic.

Home… I came home on 22 May, and basically just went to bed. A blessed relief to get a decent sleep. The next day, Wednesday, dawned, and I felt nauseated and tired. Not too bad, though. It was all pretty downhill from there, with tiredness, shortness of breath and dizziness. By Sunday I couldn’t do anything. Even getting up from lying down or sitting was close to the level of my tolerance. I was a bit surprised (perplexed) that I hadn’t heard anything from the hospital, as I’d been expecting to find that my blood cell levels had dropped – they’d been tested on Friday.

Back to hospital… When I woke up on Monday 28 May I noticed that there was a ‘shadow’ in my right-eye field of vision. A bit of trial and error, as well as a process of elimination resulted in my deducing that I’d had a small haemorrhage into the vitreous. That, and feeling truly wretched, short of breath, dizzy, and nauseated led me to ring the haematology resident (most junior physician in the food-chain) at the hospital to check in. It turned out that due to a series of oversights, errors, system failures and cock-ups my Friday bloods hadn’t been looked at. The resident promised to ring back with the results. He didn’t, but 10 minutes later the registrar (senior to the resident, around the middle of the food-chain) did, apologised and let me know that my Friday haemoglobin level was around 60, and my platelet level about 16. He told me to come to the hospital for a blood transfusion, and to have my eye checked. We packed up and went to Melbourne. My mum was staying, and she was very glad that something was happening, as was Peter. By the time I got to the hospital and had my blood tested again, it turned out my haemoglobin level was 40, and my platelet level 3. Now, an adult male should have a haemoglobin level of somewhere between about 140 to 180. So, I was very anaemic. Hence the shortness of breath, as haemoglobin is the oxygen transporting molecule of the body. Likewise, platelets are generally somewhere between 150 to 400. At 3, I was at very high risk of having spontaneous bleeding – as indeed I did, into (it turned out), both of my eyes. The problem is that because my bone marrow is so suppressed by the chemotherapy, it just isn’t making new blood cells. The red blood cells, which carry oxygen in the haemoglobin molecule inside them, are being destroyed at a normal rate – probably higher, actually, given the high oxidative damage inflicted on them by the chemotherapy drugs, but not made. Same with the platelets.
Monday, then, was spent having two units of platelets and three units of blood. Tuesday (yesterday) was spent having another three units of blood, and a review of my eyes at the Royal Victorian Eye and Ear Hospital (which is, handily, quite close to Peter Mac).

So now… I’m probably still a bit anaemic, but feeling much better than I was!

Leave a Comment

Stem cells

10 May 2007 at 12:48 pm · Filed under My Treatment

spectra-shadow1.jpg

Monday 7, Tuesday 8 and Wednesday 9 May saw me in the Peter Mac Apheresis Unit having stem cells collected. I had been giving myself double dose filgrastim for the week to encourage the proliferation of the stem cells, and after three collections I had 12.7 million stem cells in the bag (literally), which is a really good result.

The stem cells will be retransfused following the end of my chemotherapy. The last bit of chemotherapy I receive will destroy my bone marrow, so the stem cells will form the basis of a new bone marrow system.

Collection was pretty easy, if a little dull. A metal IV needle (called a fistula) is inserted into a vein in one arm, and a plastic IV needle inserted into a vein in the other arm. Blood is sucked out through the metal IV needle, passed into a machine with a centrifuge and filters, where the stem cells are separated from other components in the blood. The stem cells go into a collection bag, and the other components go back into the body through the plastic IV cannula. About 60ml of blood is withdrawn, processed and returned per minute, and the average collection takes around 3 hours. It is important to keep the arm with the metal needle quite still, to avoid it damaging the vein. So you sit, read, watch TV, listen to music, or whatever. I had hoped I would get away with two collections, but the goal was set at 10 million units, and I hadn’t quite reached that after two collections, so it was back on Wednesday for more. The staff in the apheresis unit were all excellent – it was lovely to be looked after them.

I had two more units of blood on Tuesday, as I was, again, pretty anaemic. I think I probably feel better since I’ve had them. There was some discussion yesterday as to whether or not I should have another unit, but I have to admit, I was pretty resistant to the idea. I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure, and can have it then if necessary. I also have to go back on Wednesday 16 for day rituximab.

Other than that, little has happened. I’ve been reading and so on. Peter has been working very hard – in fact, we’ve not seen much of oneanother. Mum visited over the weekend (which reminds me, it is Mothers’ Day this Sunday).

The ever valiant and dependable Marj has once again saved our sanity by letting the dogs out of the house during the day whilst I was away – thanks Marj!

Leave a Comment

Miscellanea

4 May 2007 at 4:38 pm · Filed under Cancer, Health, My Treatment, What I'm doing today...

beingsick1.gif

I came out of hospital on Sunday 29/4, and I reckon I can fairly claim to have a pretty torrid time. Some of the torridness (if indeed this can be a word) is a result of the combination of inhabitants of the room I was put into. I was in a three-bed ward, with two other men. In and of itself that isn’t a problem – I’m reconciled to sharing. However, one of the men was older and very sick (dying, in fact), and really should (in my personal and nursing opinion) have been nursed in a room by himself in order to give him some privacy and more dignity. The other man was quite well, and was only in hospital to prepare for apheresis (stem cell collection). He watched TV until very early in the morning – which I feel was inconsiderate and unhelpful. So, the room was loud, full of activity, too bright and in brief not at all restful. Add to this the peculiar (but seemingly entrenched) behaviour of many of the night nursing staff, who instead of using torches turn on room lights, talk in loud voices to one another in the room, or just outside, and who, instead of clustering activities during the night (for example, collect blood at 6am and take observations then, too) insist on performing them singly (collect blood at 5am, and then take observations at 6am). I was also probably affected by dexamethasone, which made it harder to sleep. And, unlike cycle 1A, I felt much more nauseated. In short, I didn’t have a good time, and was very happy to be out of hospital at 5pm on Sunday. I’m sorry if this sounds like a moan – which it is, I guess. But I think some things are avoidable and where there are, they should be avoided. It is one of the functions of nurses to take responsibility for issues like this. I got a patient satisfaction survey yesterday, and filled it in… I doubt the results will give someone much joy!

I’ve spent the week very nauseated – again, not like the previous cycles. This has been a pervasive and deep nausea which really sucked the life out of me. The drugs I was given – granisetron, cyclizine and metoclopramide, didn’t really help much. The nausea is passing now, thank goodness. Hopefully I can get some more effective antiemetics for next time.

I’ve not done much else, really. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday (today) the district nurses came to take blood and care for my PICC. Pete and I went out grocery shopping on Monday – small thrill! I’ve played with the dogs, read, cleaned a bit, watched the idiot box (selectively, though!) and looked at the internet. I’ve also caught up with a bit of correspondence.

My mind, body and spirit seem to be at a low ebb, though, and some dark thoughts and feelings crowd in from time to time. I doubt that there is anything to this than tiredness, weariness, and a sense of helplessness. Clarifying what is objective and what is subjective helps, as does talking to others. And possibly writing!

Monday to Friday next week brings apheresis, when I’ll have stem cells collected from my blood for reinfusion at a later time. It won’t be a hard week, but will most likely be long and tiring – I’m not looking forward to it too much. After that, all going well, I have until 17/5, when I go back into hospital for a B cycle: yuck – harder than the A cycle, so I’m not looking forward to it, or to the nausea, anaemia and tiredness that come with it.

Leave a Comment