Here I am, Lord

Last Sunday we sang Dan Schutte‘s wonderful song, “Here I am, Lord“. It’s a dialogue between the calling God and the responding singer. One of the reasons I like it, apart from the rousing tune, is that the call is to minister to the people of God, and the response is from an individual, but an individual in community. I’m not all that good at community, partly because I’m shy. It’s hard for me to walk up to people and say ‘hello’. I admire those who can, but it doesn’t come naturally to me.

I’ve thought a lot about last Sunday’s worship this week. Catherine’s sermon was about integrity, truth and responding to God. God calls me and I must respond, no matter what the cost. Reading the office, praying, meditating and thinking this week has brought me back to that again and again. I know what my call is, and I know I must respond. When Catherine asked me a few weeks ago about calling I remember saying “yes, but not now.” I think that’s partly right, but there needs to be an element of ‘nowness’ about it, too. I know that the gifts I have are for sharing. This weblog is part of that, actually, as is my website. Both are an offering.

Being an oblate is about offering too. Offering myself to God, for Her to use me in whatever way She wants, in the context of Benedictine monasticism and in the context of WCCM.

This is more rambling than usual… I ask myself where I am now. In a somewhat darker, quieter and more arid place than I would like, in truth. I have to keep trusting, though, that I’m here for a reason. Jesus, my brother, show me the reason! And keep me praying Thomas Merton’s prayer. Amen.


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